Just in time for primary season, I went over the greatest presidents no one ever voted for (well, not all).  These seven public servants are not necessarily good presidents; they have been great at being bad, but they are the most memorable and influential figures of their office.  They got stuff done, unlike most real world politicians (and none of them are good at all).  So here are the seven greatest presidents who get results (and just so happened to never exist).

7. President Skroob

The dashing president of planet Spaceball President Skroob finds out his planet is running out of oxygen.  While carefully orchestrating a PR campaign to keep the news hush-hush, he sends his flagship on a mission that will save his planet.  That mission is to kidnap the Princess Vespa and hold her for random to be paid in her planet’s air.  Brilliant plan, though maybe not presidential at first glance.  Then you realize all Skroob is trying to do is save himself, I mean his people.  Yeah, he’s kind of an idiot and he gets his head flipped around in a teleporter, but it’s Mel Brooks and who doesn’t want him as president.  I rest my case.

6. President Head of Richard Nixon

People in the future have the same crappy memories we do.  Nixon’s head, kept alive in a jar of futuristic liquid, becomes president of the United States of Earth on the series Futurama.  He first gains mobility by taking control of various robot bodies, including the crude, lude dude Bender.  Nixon’s head pushes Earth into an insanely aggressive interstellar policy, starting many wars and getting invaded even more.  Yes, this is a man’s head with conviction and determination to get stuff, no matter how pointless, done.

5. President Rufus T. Firefly

Rufus T. Firefly took control of the wonderful land of Freedonia at the behest of Mrs. Teasdale who promised to bail the country out of bankruptcy.  This silly plot for the Marx Brothers’ classic Duck Soup led to a tale of political intrigue and betrayal like none other.  Firefly pays more attention to marrying Mrs. Teasdale for her money than running the country which is on the brink of war.  And then Freedonia declares war on Sylvanian after discovering their spy.  Come to think of it, Firefly didn’t really accomplish much except send his bankrupt country into war.  Then of course, that’s how FDR got America out of the Depression, so maybe Firefly knows more than me.

4. President David Palmer

The fact that his guy didn’t retire after Day One shows he’s a bad ass.  David Palmer began as a senator running for the presidential primary in Season One of 24 when the first of three assassination attempts took place (SPOILER, the last one ended up succeeding).  Palmer’s wife kept committing crimes, his vice-president had him deposed, and three major terrorist attacks plagued the country during his single term.  He was cost his second term when his ex-wife betrayed him to his challenger.  But this guy worked with Jack Bauer.  He’s awesome by association.

3. President Laura Roslin

A woman president? Never!  Well Laura Roslin, president of the Twelve Colonies, could stand above any man for her wisdom and commanding presence. Being the embodiment of a religious prophecy helps.  This secretary of education becomes the president in the new Battlestar Galactica series, leading the last 40,000 humans to the lost 13th colony, Earth.  But (SPOILERS) she’s dying and having visions in line with prophesies that say she will lead humans to Earth, but will die before they arrive.  But Roslin isn’t all mystical mumbo-jumbo; she’s also had to make tough choices, banning once legal abortion because humans need to repopulate and also overseeing the greatest military crisis of human history and pretty much preventing humankind’s extinction.

2. President Josiah Bartlet

Aaron Sorkin’s dream of a president came to life of seven seasons of the West Wing.  Nobel Prize winning economist Josiah Bartlet served two terms of economic prosperity, creating millions of new jobs, giving amnesty to illegal immigrants, negotiating peace between Israel and Palestine, and appointing the first Hispanic Supreme Court justice and the first female chief justice.  He did, however, withhold health information from the public regarding him suffering from multiple sclerosis, but won reelection anyway.  The West Wing provided, at least for liberals, an idealized president - a qualified genius with true conviction, not beholden to any lobby or special interest.  But that’s just a fantasy, right?

1. President Lex Luthor

One of the greatest villains of all time ran the Oval Office like a well-oiled doomsday machine.  This accomplished businessman and criminal won the office after the previous administration grossly mishandled rebuilding Gotham City after its earthquake.  No one new until after that Luthor helped orchestrate the crisis.  Still, Luthor wasn’t all bad.  He place a moratorium on fossil fuels as one of his first acts in office.  He also served as an excellent leader in times of crisis, as long as you ignore the fact that he contributed in some way to those crises.  Luthor successful led Earth on the defensive against an alien invasion, but ignored his advanced knowledge of the attack resulting in the destruction of Topeka, Kansas. He did all this for more power.  Which he got.  That may be evil, but that’s also politics.