Classes begin this week this at my place of graduate studies, the University of Chicago. To celebrate my upcoming year of paying to work harder than when I was paid to work, I’m praising the many fictional graduates of this fine institution. So if/when I fail out, we’ll know which fake people are smarter than me (let’s remember Cameron Diaz from My Best Friend’s Wedding graduated in a major that doesn’t even exist here).
7. Kitty Pryde
University of Chicago isn’t so bad. Apparently it’s better than a night out with Magneto. The walking-through-walls mutant member of the X-Men spent some time away from super heroics at the University. Unfortunately her powers were not enough to make X-Men 3 a good movie.
6. Hal
Wunderkind mathematician Hal made quite a name for himself during his days at the University, long before appearing in the play and film Proof. Of course, like most students here, he ended up suffering mental problems after leaving and struggled to accomplish anything else. So he turned to theater. That U of C degree really opens doors.
5. Richard Kimble
Renown vascular surgeon Richard Kimble graduated from University of Chicago and made sure to visit like all good alumni. Kimble actually spent some time at the University’s science library, John Crerar, in his big screen Fugitive, as he tried to find the truth behind his wife’s murder. Now that’s a helpful library.
4. Brandon Shaw and Philip Morgan
Two murderers might not be the ideal representatives for a respected research institution, but creative murders have to deserve some credit. Brandon Shaw and Philip Morgan starred in the Alfred Hitchcock movie The Rope based on University of Chicago students Leopold and Loeb. So technically the characters aren’t even U. of C. students - the real murders are. Best to avoid those classes.
3. Jack McCoy
New York City’s newest District Attorney and long time Executive Assistant District Attorney Jack McCoy brings Law and Order on an hourly basis across almost half a dozen TV stations. His aggressive, bend the rules for justice gives all ethical standards come finals time.
2. Harry and Sally
The love duo known for late night phone calls and picky eating habits began their life on the steps of the University. After both completing years of learning, the two drove to New York City and began their hilarious two hour life together.
1. Indiana Jones
Talk about the perfect graduate. He’s a super smart action hero with a kick-ass whip and a sexy smile. Not the most common combination on campus in a student, let alone an archaeology professor. It’s good to have something to aspire to.
Something good might come out of the awful, new Indiana Jones movie. A growing online campaign is building around the infamous moment when Indy survives a nuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator, getting blasting miles and surviving without a scratch. This hilariously bad moment will be immortalized as Nuking the Fridge, the movie version of Jumping the Shark.
6. South Park
known as Steven Spielberg. This sea classic has chewed its way into geek hearts the way any move can - with a giant mechanical monster bent on destruction.
The most definitive Indiana Jones moment happens in the first ten minutes of his first movie. After dramatically trading his bag of sand for a golden idol, Jones has to escape the even more dramatic cave of traps, racing past arrows, jumping over bottomless pits, and climaxing in a giant boulder. This iconic escape showed Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom was a new standard in action movies. Harrison Ford’s Indiana Jones was a wise-cracking archaeologist for the modern age (well, the 1970s) but ripped right out of the classic pulp stories of yesteryear. With his hat, leather jacket, whip and gun, Indiana Jones became a standard in adventuring and heroics. And all he had to do was fall over to avoid a giant boulder to convince us. Easy as pie.
